Why Does This Happen To Me?
by Radical.2
Summary: Hermione's been brainwashed, and Theodore Nott somehow helped to do that, and Voldemort's won the second wizarding war. Will Hermione ever escape her job as Voldemort's personal assistant and defeat him, or is this the end of the world as we know it?
1. Be Quick

It was more than just something.

Every spell she cast, every curse she sent out- she didn't even think about them.

There was this horrible feeling in her stomach telling her that if she they didn't all come out that way, they would come out as whispers.

Fails, and that meant death.

Hermione didn't want to die.

There was nothing less than this battle that could have ever made her afraid, but she was.

Fear blossomed when she stopped waving her wand, when she stopped to breathe.

So she kept going.

And then someone was right next to her- how had he gotten there?

Despite the fact that she had placed so many protective enchantments around everyone else, she'd forgotten one thing: a vital mistake.

It wasn't until now that she remembered herself.

She felt her arm being snatched, and didn't bother to fight.

He apparated. Of course.

Why hadn't that occured to her? Of course Voldemort had taken away that defense of Hogwarts, too.

He had taken away everything.

It started to wake her up, that brief passage through space, and when she was deposited onto the dirt floor of somewhere, she was ready.

She started to raise her wand, but... it wasn't in her hand.

"Crap."

Then there was the fear again- not just any old fear, but really-real fear that made her heart pound like a bloody hammer on anvil in her chest.

Hermione looked up to see eyes worse than a basilisk's.

His smile was an awful thing, not even a real smile.

It wouldn't have been much less hideous if he had had no teeth, thought Hermione.

Then he turned to her Slytherin captor- Theodore Nott.

"You say she's smart, do you? Resourceful?"

"Yes, my Lord," Nott answered.

"You work for him too? What is in the water down there in the dungeons, people? Pure poison?" Hermione burst out, glaring at the two of them.

They were in the Shrieking Shack, she realized. Huh.

"Do it quickly," Nott muttered.

Voldemort pulled out his wand and tapped her twice on the head.

And then darkness came over her, and she felt herself began to fall backwards before she blacked out completely.

**A/N: Okay, so here's my next shot at Theomione and the start of my entry for Bubbley's "Undone Stories" Challenge. Reviews, comments, questions? **


	2. Be Obedient

**Just posted chapter one- if this is humor/drama, can it be called a humama fic? J. K. Owns Harry Potter, and I, well, I wrote this. That's something.**

_**One week after the previous chapter**_

Hermione walked through the door, reading a book as she walked and carrying Lord Voldemort's daily tray of chocolate donuts.

Voldemort frowned at her from his chair at the head of his meeting table. "If you weren't holding my favorite donuts of all time I would strike you dead right now. How many times have I told you not to read while walking? You could fall down a flight of stairs and drop my donuts! Or, even worse, my laundry!"

"Only four times, my Lord," Hermione replied. "My apologies, my Lord. How can I make it up to you?"

As usual, most of Voldemort's followers- the ones that hadn't died in the battle- watched in amazement as Voldemort instructed _Hermione Granger_, of all people, to go back to her office and finish his paperwork.

It was a shock, it was, but some were used to it. Lucius Malfoy and some of the other Death Eaters, for instance.

Lucius Malfoy was also angry, in addition to most others- he would never have thought that a muggle-born witch would ever work for the Dark Lord.

But, as Voldemort had explained, she was nothing more than a slave. Still, he was beginning to trust her with tasks only his highest and most loyal had done before, and that made his other followers jealous and irritated.

The only reason Hermione wasn't dead or even half-dead or even injured at all was because of the man that constantly followed her around and guarded her- Theodore Nott.

Theo was stealthy enough that he hadn't been noticed until Draco Malfoy had tried to kill her on her second day.

Then Theo had tried to kill Draco.

Nobody understood it, not even Hermione herself, but it was beginning to be accepted as normal around here.

Hermione looked Voldemort straight in the eye and nodded as he instructed her to do pick up his dry-cleaning, get him his lunch, and other chores that were starting to be just an average day.

Theo Nott was hovering outside the door, and he followed after Hermione as she gave Voldemort another quick nod and a bow, then left.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, for the millionth time that week.

"Yes, of course," Hermione answered him with a quick smile. "Thanks for asking... again."

"The others seem to be settling down a little."

"Yes, I suppose they are."

"Could I speak with you over lunch about something? There have been a few more storms in peoples' offices, and it's kind of getting out of hand."

"Yes, of course."

Theo and Hermione both nodded, smiled, and returned to their usual silence as they walked.

And, after glancing around for a moment, Hermione pulled out a book and began to read as she walked.

Theo tried not to grin and failed.


	3. Be Imaginative

"Finished!" Hermione exclaimed quietly as soon as she set Voldemort's lunch on his desk at noon. Theo gave her a high-five as they walked down to the Ministry's cafeteria.

"So, who's offices have been raining?" she asked as they got in line.

"Hermione."

"What?" said Hermione, avoiding his eyes.

"We're higher-ups, remember?" Theo answered her patiently. He knew what she'd be thinking about this by now. "We can move to the front of the line."

"I know that. But it's rude, don't you think?"

Theo just shrugged. "Sure."

"I mean, just because I've been brainwashed by the Dark Lord doesn't mean I can be impolite and cruel. I could, but I choose not to," Hermione explained to him, waving a spoon in the air for emphasis as she spoke.

Theo dropped the fork he'd just picked up. "You know?"

"Spells can never be perfect, not when they're that powerful. The Dark Lord used a spell more powerful than even the Imperius Curse. So of course I'm going to figure some things out. I am the smartest person of my age, you know."

Theo was still just staring at her.

"I'm figuring it out," Hermione added in a lower voice. "Taking notes and reading books."

Theo started to say something, but thought better of it. "Later," he hissed, then returned to talking at a normal volume. "Yes, well, Yaxley's office seems to rain every day. Nobody really knows why. Perhaps he does it himself just to give us something to do other than pick up donuts and lunch and laundry for the Dark Lord."

Hermione laughed a little, and a few people turned to look at her, wondering why the bloody hell was a woman so cheerful just days after so many had died, people on both sides?

"Later," Hermione agreed after they had all turned away again.

"Hermione Granger, come up here at once!" Voldemort exclaimed from the front of the line, gesturing to her to come. He didn't look angry...

Hermione sighed as she went to him.

"I'm going to be very busy this afternoon, so I need you to take care of a few things," Voldemort told her. "Where's that notebook you always carry around with you? Ah, yes, there we go. Write this down. First of all, for dinner, I feel like some good Chinese food. Orange chicken would be nice. White rice, of course, not that awful fried stuff."

"Of course." Hermione nodded and wrote it down.

"And there's a river on the second floor, also."

"A river, my Lord?"

"Yes. A river. It seems the rain from the offices has been pooling in the halls."

"My Lord, may I, er..."

"What is it?" Voldemort questioned, his eyes starting to narrow.

"Perhaps, for decorational purposes, we could leave it as is and add to it. Wouldn't it be, er, fun to walk on bridges down the hall over the river, or to work with umbrellas and things over our desks? It would make things rather interesting. Plus, we could use parts of the river for-"

"Executions! Brilliant!" Voldemort chimed in, his mind whirring with possibilities.

"Or fishing?" Hermione finished with a squeak.

"Hmm. Yes, that too. Go work on that, will you? And remember, dinner at six."

"Yes, my Lord."

"Go."

**A/N: Like it, love it, hate it? Any ideas for how this should go?**


	4. Be Smart

"Why was he in line anyway?" Theo wondered. "It's not like he actually eats the crap we do."

"Probably was stealing half the desserts again for his private stash in his office," Hermione answered, sitting down in the corner farthest from the extravagant table where the Death Eaters from the war ate.

"No kidding, he has a secret sugar stash?" Theo sat across from her and leaned across the table as they spoke.

"Don't all ruthless dictators?"

They were silent for a few minutes.

"We need better pizza," Theo announced suddenly.

"Now, that's an idea," Hermione said, thinking furiously. Voldemort hadn't specifically ordered her not to- Now, _there _was another idea. A good one. "Huh."

"Huh?" Theo echoed curiously.

"We need a pizza parlor here. Here in the ministry. Do you know how much business that would bring in? How many people do you think would switch from unnameable substances and bag lunches to fresh oven-baked pizza?" Hermione said excitedly, and she clasped her hands together in excitement.

"Well... That'd be pretty bloody good. But how are you going to do that?"

"Watch me," Hermione replied cryptically. Then she glanced at her watch. "Oh, I'll have to run it by him later. I've got to go work on that river now."

"I'll take you there."

...

"Bloody hell," Theo muttered as they got into the lift from the cafeteria on the fifth floor. "It must be the water from floor two!" It was getting into the lifts now.

They were alone. "Voldemort can't keep a handle on his own building without me. He's already out of horcruxes but for the snake, he'll have to have allies. And when they turn... that's when I'll come in," Hermione muttered to herself.

"Um, _what_?" Theo said, surprised.

"Nothing. That's a nice tie you're wearing," Hermione commented.

"Really? Thank you!" he replied, and smiled, in spite of himself. The girl was a genius, he thought. Who ever needed Harry when there was Hermione Granger to save the world?

Or take it over...?

**A/N: So, really, what do you think of this? On a scale of one to ten, how fun is this to read? Or interesting? Or whatever you'd like?**


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